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My previous post about my personal experience with acne is surprisingly being the second most viewed post out of all my blog posts. So, I'm going to share the post about this topic again and this time, with my current thoughts, a positive message, and inspiring people to me for you to know.

Most of the times, I find it kinda hard for myself to enjoy my life as a person who doesn't seems to fit in society's definition of beauty, which created unrealistic beauty standard. I have struggling with skin issues (acne, hormonal breakouts,blemishes, etc) for years, and it does affect me, both physical and psychological. I often ended up hating myself everytime I look at the mirror, and have zero confident to meet people. I can barely look at people's eyes while talking to them, or feeling anxious when I caught people staring at me (or my face). But despite all of them, what hurts me the most is when people throwing comments--any comments--about my skin.

"What's with your face?"
"Your face is so much redder than yesterday"
"Why is your face so red today?"
"Has your acne gotten worse?"

Those are reasons why I have self-confidence issue, and low self-esteem. I know I am not the only one who is experiencing this. There are probably million of people out there who is also battling with themselves, trying to gain back their confident to face the world.

But now, I have decided to love myself for being me, for being so strong, for being able to go through all of this and promise to never let my confident sink again. Why? because you only live once AND you can't please people. There's always people who will constantly remind you about how ugly you look, or how flawed you are. and the good news is, you can refuse to listen to them.

This doesn't only apply to skin issue, but also to body issue--or any kind of "issue" that affects your confident. Body (and skin!) Positivity is something I recently pay attention to and it feels so amazing to be inspired by people who can help me learn to love myself more, no matter how I look or what my body shape is.

Start from Em Ford, beauty blogger from UK who created this inspiring campaign called "You Look Disgusting" about how internet people can be so mean by throwing nasty comments about your looks. I admire her confidence, because I know she'd been struggling with self-confidence and I know it is hard to gain your confident back in the middle of everyone's dictation about how you should look based on their perception of beauty. Please watch the video of her campaign below and make sure to remember the powerful message she wants us to know: you ARE beautiful-no matter what.


You are beautiful - no matter how flawed you feel, no matter how upset you may about the way you look or how hard you find it to make friends, or be confident. Believe in yourself, and never let anyone tell you're not beautiful - not even yourself. -Em Ford

Next is Ashley Graham, model and body activist who slams the idea of what "beauty" should be look like. She reminds us that a little cellulite never hurt nobody. I think because it is normal to have cellulite. Let me repeat, because cellulite and curves are N-O-R-M-A-L. Yes Ashley, please keep women encouraged to love their body more and more!


A little cellulite never hurt nobody. Stop judging yourself, embrace the things that society has called 'ugly'. -Ashley Graham

Please spread the positivity!♥
Hello! Been a while since the last time I updated my blog, and today I have finished this fresh new look for personal space of mine after struggling with the template setting for a quite some time. So, for a quick update, I'm going to share about what I am up to and my life lately.


It's actually kind of late--or SUPER late--to talk about what happened last month, but better late than never, right? June has always been a special month for me since 1995 because it's the month I was born in. This year marks my 21st year being happily alive in this world. Feel so thankful and grateful, and looking forward to many happy and blessed years ahead.
I also had my final exams on June, and the result turned out to be disappointing. I got 3 B's this semester and I'm not quite happy about it, so let's not talk about this any further.

What am I up to today? Well, I'm enjoying every second of my holiday by working as an intern five days a week, and spending my weekend to keeping up with my friends I haven't seen in ages or sleeping 12 hours a day at home while wishing I could wake up with an extra day between Saturday and Sunday.

Time flies so fast. Been a month since I say goodbye to last semester and it's (end of) July already. I'm ready to welcoming August very soon. Hello August, I know you will be nice to me! Please make my holiday even more memorable, will ya? ;)

Hello!

This time I'm gonna be sharing about the current turning point in my life. Finally I'm able to taste the real experience in the industry: I am officially an intern now!

It's been a month since I started my internship, and to be honest, I still think that this is not real. After facing 2 failures on previous interviews, I had no confidence and blame myself for being not good enough. But then life starts to get better after that day.

Before you continue, I will tell you some details about what kind of job I want (and I have) now. I have mentioned about my dream job here, and yes, this is the industry I'm currently worked in. I have loved everything about wedding since I was a little girl, I even decided that I have to work in this industry then owned wedding business, whether it's wedding organizer or bridal boutique, anything as long as it's related to wedding. That's why I am so grateful to be able to work in this industry, even my job here as PR intern isn't directly related to wedding, but still, I love this job (and this place). And here's how it all started...

Feb 10, 2016
I was enjoying my "me-time", drinking a cup of coffee while randomly browse the internet and purposely looking for intern job vacancy, then I landed on Bridestory career page. and it was there. PR intern position was available and I couldn't be happier. I edited my resume a bit, and immediately apply for the position and hoping for the best.

Feb 12, 2016
Interview invitation email arrived! Still a long way to go, but one step closer towards the goal.

Feb 16, 2016
D-day of my interview. This was my third interview, so I wasn't as nervous as my previous ones (where I failed), and I was so much prepared. I came 30 minutes earlier and got some time to prepare and calm myself down. The interview went well, although I said stupid things that I'd regret for the next 7 days, but it was all goooood. I had fun during the 45 minutes of interview. It was much like.... a casual talk (?) where you can enjoy yourself while telling stories about your experiences, etc.

The next 7 days were definitely not the best 7 days in 2016 because I kept thinking about the result and because I didn't ask about when the result will be announced, I couldn't help but trying to hypnotize myself to stay calm for the whole week. Think positive. Whatever the result is, at least you have tried. That was what I said to myself.

The second week after interview, I thought I didn't get the job and already prepared myself to move on, until the morning of March 2, 2016. I woke up, grabbed my phone, barely open my eyes while scrolling through my instagram feed, then refreshing my emails, and the new email notification popped up. The next thing I remember was I jumped out of my bed and rushed to the kitchen to tell my mom. I was sooo happy and I feel embarrassed now while reminiscing this.

And here I am today, living my life as an intern and a third year college student...

(Will keep this blog updated about my internship journey. See ya on the next post!)
It's around 3 AM now and I'm digging up my notes until I find my last year birthday's wishes from my friends. In case you're wondering, yes I copy-paste and took a screenshot of my birthday wishes in my phone, but most of them are gone (or accidentally deleted I guess?) now since I changed to a new phone but Thank God, the most hilarious ones are not deleted and magically stay still in my memory card lol and to prevent loss in the future, I would like to keep them by posting them here. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA JUWITA NUGRAHA KUSNADI!!!! Ciecieciee uda 20 tahunnn prikitiwwwwwww
Mariaku tercinta, when I first met you, I didn't know you would be this important to me (quotes bole ngambil dari tumblr) I don't know why I didn't spend more time with you since 1st semester bcos we totally should have, we click in lots of things and we have so much in common!!! We share the same obsession with weddings, frontality (is that even a word), we take much pride in lots of things, we are the queen of PR azek (ngaku2) 

You are so sableng, sinting, saklek, somplak, sedeng, you name it. But above all of that fun stuffs you are so smart and diligent and dedicated! 
You are so fun to hang around with, super adaptive, witty, just like me but I'm more perfect because of course I'm the only flawless human being on earth (lol) 

On your special day I wish youuu all the good bits in life, you know I want nothing but the best for ya so you can be succeed and rich and afford the most glamorous wedding you can imagine (insert bunch of wedding stickers here) 

Thank you for being a good friend of mine, I know we will continue this journey of friendship (azek) for infinity and beyond because it's really hard to get rid of me, I'm like a f*cking herpes 
Let's love more and hate less people this year, shall we? ;) (not too soon tapi, we need dem gossips lol) 

Muchos loves,
Your future rich successful PR friend who also owns a restaurant and have a pre wedding in a forest."

How can I not love this one friend of mine like she's the craziest yet funny, caring, and such a loving friend. She is indeed hard to get rid of :') Love ya Cil!! *hugs*

And the next one is from my loveliest Australian gal:


"HEYYYYYY MARIBITCHHHHH

YOU
ARE
ONE
HELL
OF
A
LADY

You know why???? Becoz there is no one like you!!!!!! You have the face of an innocent virgin but the mouth and words of a devil (aka pedas aka maicih level 9 -- lvl 10 goest to dedep & cicil. 

Girl, you should take a look at yourself in the mirror and stop looking down on yourself!!!!
You are smarter and humble-r (is this even a word :/) than most of people I know!!!!!! I know you will go places, great places, and I hope you'll take me with you HAHA DON;T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT ME! 

Girl, you got what it takes to make anything you dream of come true!!! You just lack the confidence in yourself and that's something we BOTH should work on (at last!) lol
I suggest you start planning your dream WO because I'm getting married SOON so you better get a move on it!!!!!!!!! and plan my frigging wedding coz it gotta be perfecto.
You are SOO fvcking funny, down to earth, honest that I could probably get a lesbian crush on you (wink) 

NAH JOKES
MY BOYFRIEND IS STILL NUMERO UNO 

and finally the highlight of my wish....
PLEASE please please stay the way you are, only change for the better not for the worse. finally I'd like to wish you HAPPIEST 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! WELCOME TO DA CLUB! 
You deserve all the happiness in the world!!!!!! Becoz you are just that great (insert 3 love stickers here) 

MUCH LOVE,
your most prettiest, adorable, kind, gentle, lovely, attractive, smart, flawless, sister,
VANESSA."

I'm so touched because they are willing to spend their precious 5 minutes just to write these super long wishes for a friend like me who deserves nothing :'))))) It's not like they send me letters but they wrote it that long, and the wishes are just... amazing. I think I cried last year while reading them :" Thank you girls!! Sorry for posting this here as they might be ruined your image, because mine might be ruined as well so we better stick together through thick and thin (what am I talking about). Thank you for being good friends to me and accept me with all of my weirdness. LOVE YA TO THE INFINITY AND BEYOND!!


+Taylor Swift 

Some people don't believe in coincidence. They think that everything happens for a reason. Me? I'm one of those people apparently.

I do believe that every things that happened to me are there for something. These past 3 months have taught me so many things. I learn on how to be more patient, to believe in His plan. I was taking things too easy. I thought I could overcome anything and got what I want because I was good enough. In the end, I used all the opportunities and got zero result. But those opportunities were not wasted, they were there to give me a lesson. A lesson I should learn from to avoid the same failure in the future.

Today, I can say that I'm truly thankful and grateful for my past experience, for my failures, for the stupid mistakes I made, because without those experiences, I wouldn't be like today. God knows what I want more than me. He knows what I really want in life, and today, He shows me His way. He leads me to the biggest chance to pursue my dream.

Guess what? I'm breaking into wedding industry as intern!!!!! Yes, I have been quite obsessed in wedding since I was a little girl, and working in this industry has become my goal ever since.

I thank God for everything. I thank God for every tears I shed when He closed my door in the past. I thank God for another door He opens for me today. I know God is good, and so is my life in His plan ❤
Days ago, I had this weird dream where I met my high school friend I haven't seen in years then he said the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I've been thinking about how good my high school memories was ever since. I miss the old good days, I miss my old friends, and all experiences with them in it. I want to live in that time again. I feel like if I were given a chance to travel in time, I would use it to travel back to my high school days, where life was much easier for me, not to change the fate but to experienced it one more time.

And today, after having a quite deep conversation over the chat with a friend of mine, I'm convinced  that I have trouble with moving on. I can hardly move on from the past, either good or bad ones, and this is not good. At all. After the most recent "failure", I keep overthink about everything. What if I couldn't do better than my other friends? What if I couldn't get the job I want? and other lots of what ifs. I keep worrying about things I shouldn't be worried of and being scared about future.

The lesson I learned today is clinging to the past doesn't make you any better, it will only make you smaller as you keep thinking about how you should have been done, instead of doing it. I don't always have to be the best in everything. People make mistakes, and so do I. What I have to do now is taking lesson from the past and try not to repeat the same mistake in the future, throw all the worries away and put the negative thoughts out of my head. Start from now, I promise myself that I will try to be a better person each day and grow stronger so I can *survive* in this world.



Hello people. Happy new year! I guess I'm a bit late, eh? One thing I had never did in new year is listing things I want to achieve by the end of the year and reviewing it, but I decided to set a new goal for me this year. Here is mine:

1. Make new friends
I used to be a shy girl who had no courage to talk to people even to my relatives. I was so quiet and barely talk to anyone except my best friends, but today I have gained courage to talk more and even possibly become the most talkative person. I love making friends, and feel somewhat happy if I could build a new relationship with people.

2. Be more productive
Finishing my assignment 1 or 2 days before the deadline is my current habit (and also 80% of student population on earth). What I do for the rest of the week? Having too much fun until I forget my assignments and my final project. From now, I will try not to procrastinate and start doing something that worth my time.

3. Start a business
I already started one and looking forward for more progress this year. Back to the second point on the list, I have to be more productive in order to reach the target!

4. Save money
I'm not a big spender. I have to think at least 3 times before I decided to buy something, and I have no plan to change this habit :)

5. Exercise
I seriously need to have a jog, walking around my neighbors, or simply have an aerobic workouts at home. Gonna put my ass off the bed and start to exercise. Here I come flat tummy!

6. Nurture my body
I plan on paying more attention to what happens on my body because I realize how important my body is. Starting to eat vegetables and fruit more, less junk food, using skincare, and no more skipping night cream are already on the list.

7. Have fun
I already have so much fun on 2015 and it ain't gonna change on 2016, there will be MORE fun this year!

8. Learn new things
You know that feel when you are so excited to learn something but suddenly have zero motivation because you are too damn lazy to start? (or is it just me?) First, I want to get rid of my laziness that prevents me of doing something new. Second, I want to possess new skill by then end of the year. Wish me all the luck.

9. Be confident
I am fully aware of my weaknesses and that's not going to stop me from everything. Time to say goodbye to my insecurities.

10. Be grateful
Think about how good is life. How good is YOUR life. Don't forget to be grateful for everything you have achieved until today. Instead of comparing something you don't have to what other people have, why don't we make it a motivation to work harder? God has given you the opportunities and it's up to you how to get the best result out of the chance.

Have you created your 2016 to-do list?
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