It's around 3 AM now and I'm digging up my notes until I find my last year birthday's wishes from my friends. In case you're wondering, yes I copy-paste and took a screenshot of my birthday wishes in my phone, but most of them are gone (or accidentally deleted I guess?) now since I changed to a new phone but Thank God, the most hilarious ones are not deleted and magically stay still in my memory card lol and to prevent loss in the future, I would like to keep them by posting them here. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIA JUWITA NUGRAHA KUSNADI!!!! Ciecieciee uda 20 tahunnn prikitiwwwwwww

Mariaku tercinta, when I first met you, I didn't know you would be this important to me (quotes bole ngambil dari tumblr) I don't know why I didn't spend more time with you since 1st semester bcos we totally should have, we click in lots of things and we have so much in common!!! We share the same obsession with weddings, frontality (is that even a word), we take much pride in lots of things, we are the queen of PR azek (ngaku2) 

You are so sableng, sinting, saklek, somplak, sedeng, you name it. But above all of that fun stuffs you are so smart and diligent and dedicated! 

You are so fun to hang around with, super adaptive, witty, just like me but I'm more perfect because of course I'm the only flawless human being on earth (lol) 

On your special day I wish youuu all the good bits in life, you know I want nothing but the best for ya so you can be succeed and rich and afford the most glamorous wedding you can imagine (insert bunch of wedding stickers here) 

Thank you for being a good friend of mine, I know we will continue this journey of friendship (azek) for infinity and beyond because it's really hard to get rid of me, I'm like a f*cking herpes 

Let's love more and hate less people this year, shall we? ;) (not too soon tapi, we need dem gossips lol) 

Muchos loves,

Your future rich successful PR friend who also owns a restaurant and have a pre wedding in a forest."

How can I not love this one friend of mine like she's the craziest yet funny, caring, and such a loving friend. She is indeed hard to get rid of :') Love ya Cil!! *hugs*

And the next one is from my loveliest Australian gal:

"HEYYYYYY MARIBITCHHHHH

YOU

ARE

ONE

HELL

OF

A

LADY

You know why???? Becoz there is no one like you!!!!!! You have the face of an innocent virgin but the mouth and words of a devil (aka pedas aka maicih level 9 -- lvl 10 goest to dedep & cicil. 

Girl, you should take a look at yourself in the mirror and stop looking down on yourself!!!!

You are smarter and humble-r (is this even a word :/) than most of people I know!!!!!! I know you will go places, great places, and I hope you'll take me with you HAHA DON;T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT ME! 

Girl, you got what it takes to make anything you dream of come true!!! You just lack the confidence in yourself and that's something we BOTH should work on (at last!) lol

I suggest you start planning your dream WO because I'm getting married SOON so you better get a move on it!!!!!!!!! and plan my frigging wedding coz it gotta be perfecto.

You are SOO fvcking funny, down to earth, honest that I could probably get a lesbian crush on you (wink) 

NAH JOKES

MY BOYFRIEND IS STILL NUMERO UNO 

and finally the highlight of my wish....

PLEASE please please stay the way you are, only change for the better not for the worse. finally I'd like to wish you HAPPIEST 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!!! WELCOME TO DA CLUB! 

You deserve all the happiness in the world!!!!!! Becoz you are just that great (insert 3 love stickers here) 

MUCH LOVE,

your most prettiest, adorable, kind, gentle, lovely, attractive, smart, flawless, sister,

VANESSA."

I'm so touched because they are willing to spend their precious 5 minutes just to write these super long wishes for a friend like me who deserves nothing :'))))) It's not like they send me letters but they wrote it that long, and the wishes are just... amazing. I think I cried last year while reading them :" Thank you girls!! Sorry for posting this here as they might be ruined your image, because mine might be ruined as well so we better stick together through thick and thin (what am I talking about). Thank you for being good friends to me and accept me with all of my weirdness. LOVE YA TO THE INFINITY AND BEYOND!!

+Taylor Swift

Some people don't believe in coincidence. They think that everything happens for a reason. Me? I'm one of those people apparently.

Days ago, I had this weird dream where I met my high school friend I haven't seen in years then he said the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. I've been thinking about how good my high school memories was ever since. I miss the old good days, I miss my old friends, and all experiences with them in it. I want to live in that time again. I feel like if I were given a chance to travel in time, I would use it to travel back to my high school days, where life was much easier for me, not to change the fate but to experienced it one more time.

And today, after having a quite deep conversation over the chat with a friend of mine, I'm convinced  that I have trouble with moving on. I can hardly move on from the past, either good or bad ones, and this is not good. At all. After the most recent "failure", I keep overthink about everything. What if I couldn't do better than my other friends? What if I couldn't get the job I want? and other lots of what ifs. I keep worrying about things I shouldn't be worried of and being scared about future.

The lesson I learned today is clinging to the past doesn't make you any better, it will only make you smaller as you keep thinking about how you should have been done, instead of doing it. I don't always have to be the best in everything. People make mistakes, and so do I. What I have to do now is taking lesson from the past and try not to repeat the same mistake in the future, throw all the worries away and put the negative thoughts out of my head. Start from now, I promise myself that I will try to be a better person each day and grow stronger so I can *survive* in this world.

I wish you knew how thankful I am to have you in my life. You are always there to support me during the difficult times, you are there to listen to my unimportant stories and complaints about everything, you were there when I was hurt and crying out loud at night, you are there to comfort me, you are there through everything.

Sadly. Unfortunately. Unexpectedly.

But the unusual thing is, I'm not as sad as I thought I would be. I'm not even crying nor angry and disappointed.

As I was waiting for the result, hoping for the best, I have become closer to God. I believe in what He has prepared for me. He knows what's best for me, and through the process, I'm finally able to learn more about myself, and realize that everyone has their own strength and weakness. He has given me this strength to face the result, closed the door that is not meant for me, and open another door for me to walk in. He gives me another chance to prove that I can, and I can't wait to show Him the best result of my hardwork :)