Before you continue, I will tell you some details about what kind of job I want (and I have) now. I have mentioned about my dream job here, and yes, this is the industry I'm currently worked in. I have loved everything about wedding since I was a little girl, I even decided that I have to work in this industry then owned wedding business, whether it's wedding organizer or bridal boutique, anything as long as it's related to wedding. That's why I am so grateful to be able to work in this industry, even my job here as PR intern isn't directly related to wedding, but still, I love this job (and this place). And here's how it all started...

Feb 10, 2016
I was enjoying my "me-time", drinking a cup of coffee while randomly browse the internet and purposely looking for intern job vacancy, then I landed on Bridestory career page. and it was there. PR intern position was available and I couldn't be happier. I edited my resume a bit, and immediately apply for the position and hoping for the best.

Feb 12, 2016
Interview invitation email arrived! Still a long way to go, but one step closer towards the goal.

Feb 16, 2016
D-day of my interview. This was my third interview, so I wasn't as nervous as my previous ones (where I failed), and I was so much prepared. I came 30 minutes earlier and got some time to prepare and calm myself down. The interview went well, although I said stupid things that I'd regret for the next 7 days, but it was all goooood. I had fun during the 45 minutes of interview. It was much like.... a casual talk (?) where you can enjoy yourself while telling stories about your experiences, etc.

The next 7 days were definitely not the best 7 days in 2016 because I kept thinking about the result and because I didn't ask about when the result will be announced, I couldn't help but trying to hypnotize myself to stay calm for the whole week. Think positive. Whatever the result is, at least you have tried. That was what I said to myself.

The second week after interview, I thought I didn't get the job and already prepared myself to move on, until the morning of March 2, 2016. I woke up, grabbed my phone, barely open my eyes while scrolling through my instagram feed, then refreshing my emails, and the new email notification popped up. The next thing I remember was I jumped out of my bed and rushed to the kitchen to tell my mom. I was sooo happy and I feel embarrassed now while reminiscing this.

And here I am today, living my life as an intern and a third year college student...

I do believe that every things that happened to me are there for something. These past 3 months have taught me so many things. I learn on how to be more patient, to believe in His plan. I was taking things too easy. I thought I could overcome anything and got what I want because I was good enough. In the end, I used all the opportunities and got zero result. But those opportunities were not wasted, they were there to give me a lesson. A lesson I should learn from to avoid the same failure in the future.

Today, I can say that I'm truly thankful and grateful for my past experience, for my failures, for the stupid mistakes I made, because without those experiences, I wouldn't be like today. God knows what I want more than me. He knows what I really want in life, and today, He shows me His way. He leads me to the biggest chance to pursue my dream.

Guess what? I'm breaking into wedding industry as intern!!!!! Yes, I have been quite obsessed in wedding since I was a little girl, and working in this industry has become my goal ever since.

I thank God for everything. I thank God for every tears I shed when He closed my door in the past. I thank God for another door He opens for me today. I know God is good, and so is my life in His plan ❤

In my opinion, not everyone can understand about what we--people with insecurities about their physical appearance, not only acne, but maybe something else--think about ourselves. I found a forum about emotional and phychological affects of acne and read almost all the threads posted there then finding myself in the middle of sea of tears (again.) I can totally relate to what they feel, because I've experienced it myself and I feel like sending them virtual hugs while saying "I feel you!" *hugs*

Bad news about having insecurities about yourself, in my case it's my acne, is your feeling and emotion can easily destroyed (?) any time, anywhere, by anyone. Like I said, not all people (especially those with flawless looks, who seem to have nothing to be insecure about) can understand about other's feeling about their biggest imperfections. I've been trapped in lots of awkward moments, thanks to my friend, even my relatives, for embarrassing me in public.

The most common situation I bet everyone has experienced it themselves is when someone pointing out your weakness in front of lots of people, where some of them are strangers. Once my friend said "Your face has got so much redder than before. What happened?!" to me as soon as she saw me, and as a result, everyone in that area turning their heads to me to see how red my face was.  I swear you will never want to be in my position at that time. Guess what the moral of this story? Never say something about anyone's who can hurt themselves, especially in front of other people, because it's embarrassing. I've heard the worse version of this, when my friend made fun of my other friend's weight in front of her, which is not funny and hurtful, even I felt offended myself. Luckily, she managed to stay calm and respond jokingly.

I'm super sensitive in this case. I don't find it funny when people laugh or throw not-so-funny comment about people's flaws. Even listening to my friend's comment about my face can hurt me (even though what are they saying are true). I'm not denying realities, but I just can't stand being ashamed, and those kinds of comments make me feel worse about myself. But I have became much stronger in facing those kind of situation now.

Here's a fight song for my fellow acne sufferers who currently in a battle with tiny little red things that can be so annoying. Please don't lose hope, because my heart breaks every time I read all your posts here. Remember God has something for you behind all of this unpleasant experience ♥

Although I'm only 20 by the time this letter is posted, but I feel like old enough to give you a piece of advice.

First, you should get rid of your biggest weakness; insecurities. Enjoy your school life and do not think about anything that will make you insecurity arise. Having fun with your friends is the best way you can do to forget your negative mind. Play more and don't be such an anti-social girl. Learn to overcome your shyness and show the world your true self.

You will soon discover who are your true friends and who are not. You better not to stick with those people who hurt you, instead stay with those who encourage you more because they will help you to grow and improve your self-quality. Remember, high school is more than a popularity contest. Stop trying so hard to become popular. Just stick to your small groups of friends because they will make you happier more than being popular. Trust me.

I know you feel quite depressed because of your performance, but I seriously think 85 is not a bad grade. Don't let anyone convince you that you are stupid. I forbid you to push yourself too hard because you are more than good enough to survive in Science class. Just focus and have some fun wearing your lab coat in Chemistry class because you'll miss it as soon as you graduate, and won't have any chance to wear it again :")

Do you love math class? I know you do NOT love the subject, but you DO love the teacher. Everyone in your class loves him and I want you to enjoy your math class and respect your teacher(s) more, because there will be something you regret if you don't.

Stop blaming yourself for your imperfections. Nobody has no right to judge you. Don't let society's perception of beauty controls you because you are unique and loved ❤ You need to know that.

God is preparing the best for you and your future. Don't be afraid to be different. have courage and embrace the challenges you'll face. You might make a mistake, but it will help you to learn and be a better person. Live your life to the fullest, girl.

Much love,
Your not-so-much-older self.